Any Old Iron?

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This afternoon, I felt the final nail slip noiselessly into the coffin of ye olde world of video games. And what bastion of the old order was filling today’s tomb?

The casual video games trader.

Back in the day when Megadrive ruled supreme, and even the humble Game Boy was a ten year old’s wet dream, every man and his dog was trying his hand at video games trading. This was before the days of dedicated game stores, and the generalist dungeons of Dixons and Virgin didn’t do scummy second hand. But in their place were legion fanboys, and closet entrepreneurs with vaguely related shops, who spotted a gap in the market and set aside a dusty shelf to display their eclectic wares. Five copies of Tetris and a NES being pretty standard fare. These were video rental stores mostly, but you’d always find a goer at the market and then a few randoms like, bizarrely, our local speciality camera shop. Man, they all had a piece of the action.

The video games market was small in the 90s, so the re-sale market was niche – meaning low demand, but even lower supply. And what’s more – no eBay to let anyone compare prices. And those cheeky casual traders spotted the opportunity to rip-off the punters quicker than Ryanair in a heatwave.

But the thing was, they were almost universally crap at it. They had their little catalogues of prices – but badger them long enough and you could always get a deal. (The griggers will remember getting a Megadrive in return for some shiznit game and a bunch of Master System control manuals. I mean, WTF?! that’s freakin GENIUS right there!) Trading in a game was a gamble – sometimes you’d trade massively up, other times you’d barely get enough dollars from a SNES to buy a pizza. But man, it was a beautiful time.

And now?

Today, Gamestation wanted to charge me fifteen squidders to swap Assassins 3 for Dead Space 2. Two pre-owned beauts that they’re selling for exactly the same number of dibloons. (£25) So why the margin? Are they roughly in the same demand? Yep. Same condition? Yep. But you want £15 anyway? Yep.

Simple answer – because they can.

OK sure, they need to make the moolah, and it’s their choice if they’ve got enough Assassins so don’t really want to trade. But would they deal? Even just a little bit?! Nope. They just sent out some punk kid who trotted the corporate line. What about a straight swap? Nope. For a fiver? Nope. What if I chuck in some Master System game manuals. Nope. (What’s a Master System?!)

Where’s the fun Gamestation?! Where’s the humanity?!

Truth is, I expected nothing more. High street trades are 100% rip-off and they don’t care who knows it. The market is mass volume now, so they’ll churn enough suckers, even at insult prices, to make it worthwhile. But I just had a glimmer of hope that, with a decent offer on the table, there was still a chance to trade it up old school.

I guess that time has passed.

Posted in bedgell, consoles, General, News, Quirks, Retro | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Adding new menu to WordPress theme to be customised by the admin

So a friend messages me about custom navigation that can be edited within the Content Management System(CMS) of wordpress and not hard coded into the website template. Of course i’ve only done a little in wordpress and php but this seemed like an interesting thing to know so i set about looking it up, and here is what i’ve found.

Bare in mind this is tested with the TwentyTen Theme, the first thing to do is find the call to register_nav_menus() function in the functions.php file of the theme, maybe in the setup function. and add an extra entry to the array using ‘my_custom_nav’ => ‘Custom Side Nav’,

register_nav_menus( array(
'primary' => __( 'Primary Navigation', 'twentyten' ),
'my_custom_nav' => 'Custom Side Nav',
) );

The my_custom_nav is the key and should also be the name of the function for it (you can choose the name you want but you’ll need to keep it consistent throughout), and Custom Side Nav is what it will be called in the admin page under Appearance -> Menus (again call it what you want). Then outside of the setup function add a new function with the name my_custom_nav. Make sure that it is still within some php tags though.


function my_custom_nav(){
wp_nav_menu(array('container_class' => 'navigation', 'theme_location' => 'my_custom_nav'));
}

Here the container_class and theme_location are literal names so do not change, well they’re keys actually i guess. navigation didn’t seem to make any difference when changing its name, but my_custom_nav is a name i chose but must be the same name as the function itself and the same name as the last parameter of the php in the next step when adding to the layout templates. But that should be all that’s needed to add the extra menu when logged in as admin, Appearance -> Menus.

To display this menu in the theme you would need the following php in your template where you want the nav to be.

<?php wp_nav_menu( array( 'container_class' => 'menu_class_name', 'theme_location' => 'my_custom_nav' ) ); ?>

Here menu_class_name is the html class name you want added to it(you can choose), and my_custom_nav is the key and function name from the previous steps.

This should be all to get it working, though i cannot guarantee it will work for all themes, but this is mostly as a note to self anyway so i don’t forget. Sometime you may need to refresh the menus and resave them from the admin panel if you’ve been changing names in the functions.php file.

If text isn’t colour coded in your text editor, then it maybe that you’ve put the code outside of the php tags, if so then just wrap the tags around it so <?php then the code and then finsih with a ?>. Other problems maybe the single quotes are using the wrong ascii key so replace them or something. Thanks for reading.

Posted in General, lartens, Tech | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Finish her! Mortal Kombat 9 Tag Team Action!

And again, I was gonna bung this sucka in with the others – but with girl-on-girl action culminating in a pole-in-the-crotch finale, it really had to have its own entry. Hehehe. (Too pervy? Listen: I didn’t freakin’ create some woman in a mystic ceremony and give her serious assets and a jaw full of piranha teeth. So, you know, who’s the real villain huh?)

Posted in bedgell, Games, PC, PS3, video, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

More Girls! More Guns! More Duke!

OK, so I was gonna bung this reveal trailer for the Duke at the bottom of that last post – it is, admittedly, older than the two vids below. But hoochie mama, this might be the best trailer ever! Gags, girls and guns – classic beauts.

There’s only one thing that could make me more excited about Duke Nukem: Forever now:

Death Tank Drei. Please Gearbox?! (PS I’m ignoring the one on XBLA. Don’t ask me why.)

Posted in bedgell, Games, PC, PS3, video, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Holy Crap Tosser! Duke Nukem is BACK baby!

There we were at Grig Towers, wondering why exactly we should be fussed by the latest delay to Duke Nukem: Forever. I mean, it’s just another shooter right? Surely we need another one about as much as we need to have Justin Bieber’s image surgically lasered onto our retinas so all that was once beautiful in the world is suddenly tainted with his awkwardly smiling, tweeny-twat face?

But then Gearbox went and released these cheeky trailers of the Duke riding a dead alien through a window and chucking faeces at a giant mech and… ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeah! I remember! That’s why we love the Nukem!

So get ready filth fans – cos the new version will be packing all this and more: lift weights! Shoot hoops! Read porn! Hurrah! Roll on the Nukem!!

Posted in bedgell, Games, PC, PS3, video, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Quiet. Peaceful. Serene. Until The Frickin’ T-Virus Wakes Up…

Zombie Raccoons

Well, I never. Capcom has gone and announced a tie-in between their popular Resident Evil franchise, and animated 80s feelgood classic The Raccoons. (You remember: Bert, the pigs, that guy with a funny nose and a cigar. Erm… you do remember this, right?)

Anyhoo, the next sequel has been dubbed Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City, and although details are scarce at this early stage, we’re making the huge assumption from the name that it will feature zombie cartoon critters, mutated into horrendous nightmare beasts by the ravaging effects of bio-chemical exposure. While Capcom have released absolutely no supporting evidence for this theory – instead, stating only that the new game will be released on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360 this winter, and feature a team-on-team mode, plenty of zombies, and new “Bio-Organic Weapons” – our cleverly constructed mock-up of the game’s logo clearly features Bert Raccoon and that pink one. (Was he called Cedric? He’d make a good zombie.) And if that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is.

Admittedly, after the jump you’ll find the actual release details from Capcom, and these pretty much contradict all of the the above. As do the tasty teaser and debut trailer vids that we’ve purloined from those good folks. But I’ll tell ya one thing that’s not a load of made up shizzle: the new 3DS title, Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D, will ship with a playable demo of Resident Evil Revelations. And that game has several of the Thundercats in it. Seriously, you heard it here first. (Just don’t tell anyone that, for various legal reasons.)

Debut Trailer:

“It is September 1998 and the action centers once more on the ill-fated Raccoon City and the horrific consequences of the deadly T-virus outbreak from the Umbrella facility. With a cover up required, Umbrella orders an elite team into Raccoon City to destroy all evidence of the outbreak and eliminate any survivors. Hearing of this plan, the US Government dispatches its own special forces to uncover any evidence that exposes the cause of the viral infection and Umbrella’s actions. Players take on the role of an Umbrella Security Services soldier (U.S.S.), competing alone or in four player co-op in a battle against all the competing forces at play in Raccoon City.

Expect the return of original Resident Evil enemies, iconic landmarks such as the Raccoon City Police Department and fan favorite characters, including Leon S. Kennedy, who as a rookie police officer in Raccoon City is on your hit list to eliminate. Players will experience a retelling of classic moments from past titles Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 3 and watch the events unfolding from the menacing perspective of the Umbrella Security Service, giving fans the chance to rewrite the history of the Raccoon City outbreak.

In addition, Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City will deliver a number of competitive online multiplayer modes. Each one of these will provide a unique gaming experience thanks to the three way combat between the Umbrella Security Service, US Special Ops and threat of zombies and B.O.W’s that could only exist in the deadly and twisted Resident Evil Universe.”

Posted in 3DS, bedgell, consoles, Games, HandHeld consoles, PC, PS3, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Battlefield 3 Tempts Griggers To Get Naked

Guns, guns, guns. If you could see the staff at Grig Towers with their tops off, that’s what you’d be thinking. Ashasha, I joke, of course – you’d be too busy vomiting to be doing any thinking.

However, if you were to describe your gaming fantasy, you might well go down the line of the 3-“G”s. Because my gaming compadres, the FPS has gone from strength to strength on the next gen consoles and you, like us, probably can’t get enough of ’em. Hell, they’re so popular, they’re even branching out into fetish-shooters like Bulletstorm, and titles for pure sickos like COD: Black Ops (hehehe, OK! OK! I’ll say again: it’s not that bad!

Anyhoo, if only to compound our orgasmic joy at the state of the shooter, along comes more footage from the sumptous realms of Battlefield 3, due for release this Autumn on PS3, Xbox 360 and PC.

Boasting awesome visuals thanks to DICE’s Frostbite 2 engine, BF3 is guaranteed to be chock-full of huge explosions, sprawling ev’s and bullet-spewing mayhem. The game’s publisher, EA, are promising a heady blend of tension and chaos, slapped across land, sea and air, and whipped into shape with single, multiplayer and co-op modes. Ooh, and topped off with character animation using the EA Sports’ ANT-technology – hopefully, with the focus on realistic writhing / flying-through-air-with-no-legs manoeuvres (you know, just like on FIFA).

Basically, it’s all a boy could ask for. Or a girl of course. If she’s a gun-toting psycho. Roll on the Autumn.

Posted in bedgell, Games, PC, PS3, video, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Finish Him! Online Pass Fatality for Mortal Kombat?

Pass Buh-Shizzle

Warner Bros are sliding into the morasse that is the Online Pass Rip-Off with their upcoming release of Mortal Kombat. The successful publishing house looks set to join uber-rip-off merchants EA and THQ by limiting access to bundled content by using the “online pass”. As we’re wearily aware by now, the pass is one-use only, meaning that if you sell the game on, the next user will need to buy a new one. And they ain’t cheap, at c. $9.99 or 800 MS points.

The story isn’t 100% confirmed yet, with Joystiq revealing an email, apparently from WBIE to retailers, that spells out the plans. Most devious of all, if true, it seems there’ll be no notice on the game packaging or in promo material to reveal the lameass liability lurking within. And with WBIE behind F.E.A.R. 3 and Batman: Arkham City, it looks like the tentacles of publisher greed are squeezing their slimy mitts ever tighter round the poor gamer.

But wait. Not greedy you say? A fair way to make money, and to compensate developers for the ongoing provision of online content to subsequent users who’ve paid nothing to the developer?

Tosh. We already pay for online access (on Xbox at least) – developers should go cap in hand to Microsoft if they want help footing the bill. And we’re getting rinsed left, right and centre for DLC at the same time. But the difference there, at least, is that most of that content isn’t essential. Having publishers block crucial gameplay elements like online multiplayer is tantamount to theft – selling us a product with those features, and then nicking them back if we pass the game on. Would it be fair for Ford to sell you a car, but take back the steering wheel if you sold it on?

OK, I get the difference. Publishers can differentiate between the core product and the online content and package the latter as a ‘bonus’ for the original purchaser. But that ‘bonus’ is given on the basis it’s for the life of the game. If I sell, I’m ending my access early – I should be able to release the unused value in it. And even if you don’t agree on that, there’s no way that $9.99 – a quarter of the cost of a typical RRP, or closer to half the price of a second hand sale – is a fair price for online content. And there’s no way that hiding the policy, as WBIE are rumoured to be doing, is a fair way to act.

This isn’t balancing things out – it’s a rip-off price, and a rip-off policy, and it’s definitely going to damage the online community.

So come on publishers – play fair. Admit to the online pass if you use it, price it fairly if you must have it, or, better still, drop it altogether and swallow the tiny cost yourself.

Vive la revolution!

Posted in bedgell, Games, News, PS3, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sort Y’All Some Portal

Here’s a luvverly little Portal 2 vid, just to remind you that this sucker is on its way next month.

Fans right across the Ps3 / Xbox 360 / PC spectrum will be able to get their hands on Valve’s latest on April 21st – featuring an all-new co-op mode, as well as plenty of new puzzles and devious test chambers. Start salivating now GLaDOS-fans!

Posted in bedgell, Games, PC, PS3, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grig of the Dump

It’s another dark day in Segaville. Not quite your standard Sega-tinted gloom, the like of which you may expect to be accompanied by the release of a new Sonic game, but a darkness deeper and more menacing than even the sight of Nights speaking could possibly muster (just). No, this is a day out of history. A day that the final globule of spit seeped into the earth of Sega’s grave. A day that Sony’s influence on the decaying games industry finally silenced the voices of those who still hark back to a time of running free in sun soaked pastures under Sega-blue skies. A day that, if it’s at all possible in these times of identikit shooters and rip-off DLC, is a shade darker than the norm. Quite an achievement given we live in a world where EA exist every day.

 For the past 15 or so years, those that have stood firm against the industries evil figureheads have had a place to vent their increasingly more pessimistic and twisted thoughts. And as the years rolled by faster than Sonic in his prime and things started going from bad to worse, it was only a matter of time until something had to give. For as Sega’s release schedule became little more than a joke as they wronged their fans over and over again until the only thing left to smile about was laughing at the peeing game they began installing in urinals, there was an impending sense that the end was nigh.

 On the 29th March 2011 UK Resistance shut its doors for good.

 This website is essentially the online equivalent of what you would have if Mean Machines had kept going to this day – an institution long past it’s prime existing in a world that it no longer understands, watching once young and enthusiastic hopefuls age disgracefully and become so bitter and twisted that only hazy memories of the Europe at War coverage of empty queue barriers at Sony’s midnight PS3 launch could even come close to cracking a smile.

 UK Resistance, today we salute you! And as once written in the likes of Sega Saturn magazine as it bowed out…

 Game over yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!

 Yeah, I went there.

Posted in consoles, Dibbs Ahoy, Games, General, PS3, Sega, XBox 360 | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment