GRiG ORiG

We needeth not go into what we perceived to have been required of this Street Fightin’ update – we nailed our colours to the mast about that in previous related articles. But instead, we focus on how we’ve gotten to this point and what we are getting, rather than what we are not. But since there’s really not that much in the way of interesting new content, nor in fact new content in general, much like a cleavagely challenged girl – I will pad. And so, with the bitter taste of disappointment in our mouths due to AE’s oh-so-thin-on-the-ground improvements, let us start the ball rolling in looking back at the journey so far, wishing at least a smidgen of our hope had not been for nowt! Oh sweet pre-Captivate ignorance, how blissful you were! Sigh…

On with weighing up our rumours and clues with what we now know to be true!

1, Mystery Dhalsim Pic – Er… still nothing on that one. In fact, Ono actually says that he can’t even remember who it was in the picture getting char grilled. Tssk! Believe his warblings at your peril! One of these days, he’s gonna end up trolling the wrong guy…

2, Leaked Achievement List – Well groon, shake, shake, shake the room! If we weren’t on to the real deal here! This list hit the net even before the AE coin-op (I just realised you never hear that term anymore. Probably coz arcades are dead. Funny time for Capcom to release an arcade-only game and make 99% of the community who can’t even get near to a machine wait 8 months to get an alternate way to access it. Tssk again!) and it would seem
that it’s the real deal. It even goes so far as to detail the earning of ‘chievmos via ‘following’ certain players as was confirmed at Captivate with the new replay channel additions. Kinda sounds a bit stalkery, doesn’t it? Choco Blanka had better get herself a secondary profile. I joke!

3, Confirmation of Oni and Evil Ryu – This point was more to give credence to the likelihood of the leaked achievements being real since they featured thumb nails with these two dotards on them. Well, we knew they were coming – we weren’t impressed. They got leaked and we saw them being used – we weren’t impressed. They’re announced for home consoles – we weren’t impressed. There’ll be a million of them online in a month – I can say for sure, we wont be impressed. But we stand as one and say no Capcom! The twins, although not particularly sought after, we can take! But not these two buffoons! But sadly, Capcom are already laughing all the way to the bank. Sigh…

4, Leaks about dates – Pretty much bang on. Announcement in April, release in June. Accurate, though I can’t believe how long they’ve made us wait! This was originally thought by many to be implausible stating that Capcom surely wouldn’t be so cruel. Well welcome to Capcom 2011! Outters!

5, Rumoured 8 Additional Characters – Oof. This is a sore point. This is a very sore point indeed. So officially, we are not getting anyone else except for the four uninspired additions we’ve already mentioned. Bewildering. The fans have screamed for series favourites long and loud, and Capcom have ignored us. There is still hope though. Not much, but definitely at least 2% of a vague shard of a chance from the shattered dreams of Street Fighter fans worldwide – one thing we didn’t report in our previous article was that Spooky, of Team Spooky, allegedly said on a stream that there are more than 4 new characters coming. He was darn close with his revelations about AE’s price and release date that he spoke about around Christmas, so you gotta at least hope for the possibility. And you gotta admit – that character select screen is looking awfully skew whiff with those two empty spaces. Come on Capcom! You will not kill my dreams until they’re in the coffin, and even then they’ll be knocking on the lid to ask if anything’s changed! Yeah, I’m being really stubborn about this!

6, Korean SSFIV AE Listings – Not much to say here. Two listings that turned out to be PS3 and 360. We speculated on a PC version just to cover all the bases, but apparently it’s not quite done yet and we are still waiting for a date for it. Dunno how. Capcom said a year and a half ago they’d developed the game around 95% or something before canning it. Must be the same clowns who designed Oni and Evil Ryu working on it. Lazy swines.

7, BBFC Listings – Bang on the money. This is unfortunately a bit of a conclusive nail in the coffin of hope for new characters, which despite much head-shaking and fingers-in-ears-esque denial, turned out to be true. Just over 6 minutes of new anime footage as detailed in the listings set in stone the fact that we were only getting the rogue faction we will now refer to as the ‘Arcade Four’. But even now, in the 59^th second of the
final minute of the 11^th hour… I still believe! DLC new characters Capcom! I don’t even care anymore about your thieving new ways! Rip me off all you want – just give us more characters! Just so long as they’re not the dolls. I know I joked about it in the past coz it’s such a ludicrous notion, however it worries me that the more I think about it, the more likely it seems as technically, they do actually feature in the SSF4 story as seen in various endings. Well, that and the fact it would be right up Capcoms rehash street – their address being 1 Lazy Road, Rehashville, Lazy. TN69 1A2Y. Anyone who though I was originally gonna say’ Lazy Town’, have a brownie point. Flippin’ love that show.

And lo, the official announcement went thus:

–    Super Street Fighter IV Arcade Edition, released June 7^th as DLC, June 28^th on disc.

–    The 4 ‘new’ characters – Yun, Yang, Evil Ryu and Oni (Tssk.).

–   $14.99 DLC/1200 MS Points, $40 disc version (Okay, not too bad.).

–    An enhanced replay channel (wha..? Grigging Jethro…).

–   The ability to still fight SSFIV players online who have not purchased the upgrade although they will get a free rebalance patch to play AE players and keep them in the loop.

–   PC version is on its way in the not too distant future.

–   That’s it. No Elena. No Alex. No Karin. No Rolento. Jimmying grig!

It’s not too bad, just disappointing in comparison to the difference we received with Super Street Fighter IV over regular Street Fighter IV. The added ten unique and sought after characters of SSFIV have become four rehashed characters that I’ve never seen requested once for AE. If, as Seth Killian says, this is the last iteration of Street Fighter 4, then it can only be a darn shame that it’s gonna go out with such a whimper rather than the almighty bang it deserves. I know this is Capcom we’re talking about, who haven’t even ended the SF3 series let alone 4, but with 3 differing retail copies of the same game around, they’re surely pushing their luck as it is. Chance is, this actually could be the final version of 4, at least for a long time to come. It’s surely a wasted opportunity to really take the game forward and give everyone what we’ve been waiting for, but unfortunately, it looks more like Capcom are hanging in there for one final big pay day from the series without fully realising its potential. There’s no two ways about it – the new characters are just lame choices. Capcom must have read the list of requested characters from the bottom up. Mind you, it was probably more likely the reading of their bank account that prompted these characters as Capcom try to get maximum profit out of barely any effort. Admittedly, this would be a smart business model for any business – but save such rationality for someone who cares! When the Grig talks about Street Fighter, the Grig only cares about what the Grig wants! I better stop using the term ‘The Grig’ before it gives me a really bad idea for a rip-off of a character…

Is this The Grig? Some say he wasn’t worth my time drawing. Or that… *insert witticism about a current event here, etc, etc, etc*

But perhaps we’re jumping the gun a little. We obviously cannot pass judgement here as we are yet to receive the game. But I can wait a few more weeks until Grig reviews it and then I’ll just unload on it then! I joke, I joke of course! Probably. But I tell thee – I didn’t need to play as Sonic the Werehog to know that I wasn’t gonna like it! And in much the same way, Capcom can take Oni and Evil Ryu and shove them right up their…er, ear!

So until next time, pip pip! What the heck does that even mean? Laters!