The case against Mortal Kombat is clear, your honour. Today, we will prove beyond reasonable doubt why this sucka is guilty as charged – of being the only exciting beat em up on the gaming horizon. So get out your legal pads, Kombateers, because this case is compelling…
Firstly, on the night of April 5th, I put it to you that Capcom did start acting like groons. (Well, even more than usual.) Failing to take the opportunity to do a proper SSFIV Arcade Edition is a kick in the nuts for real fans – more rip-off DLC looks like all we’re getting – and makes it feel like the franchise is running out of steam.
Secondly, members of the jury, consider Exhibit A – the latest video release from those fine people at WBIE. With tasty new shots of Shang Tsung working his gory magic, all those memories of 2D-fighters of yore are flooding back. And it’s clear the defendant is a filthy little blood-fiend reworked for the next-gen! (Objection! Speculative!! Over-RULED!!!)
Finally, members of the jury, there’s the gameplay. I put it to you that Dibbs has been playing the demo and slowly, gradually, coming to the view that it’s, actually, pretty grigging playable. Yes, that whole “hold button for block” thing is a shizzer, and I’ll never really be convinced it works for a 2D fighter, but overall MK9 is a playable little beast. The evidence speaks for itself legal-fans – this is actually a little beaut.
So, get your anti-psychotic medication in now – because this summer is looking like a gore-fest. The prosecution rests, your honour.
(Guilty? Innocent? Deliver your verdict below.)